Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Brief Summery of WW2 from a teenager...

Germany invades Czechoslovakia.

Britain & France tell them to stop that bullcrap.

Germany invades Poland.
(Russia also invades Poland from the other side: everybody forgets this.)

Britain & France declare war. This is the 'official' kick-off.

Italy, Bulgaria, Hungary, & Romania all join the German side. (Everybody forgets the last three.)

Axis forces go through Europe like vindaloo through a colostomy.

Nazis exterminate Jews, gays, gypsies, & the disabled. (everybody remembers the jews but forgets the rest.)

UK holds out.

Russia & the USA don't do jack.

Entire divisions of Danish, Belgian, Dutch, Norwegian, French & Serbian volunteers join the Axis armies & SS. (everybody forgets this & to listen to them now, they were all in the freaking resistance, which must have been MASSIVE.)

Axis forces invade Russia. Suddenly the Russians don't think it's funny any more.

Japan joins the Axis & bombs Pearl Harbor.

Suddenly the US doesn't think it's funny any more.

The USA tools up the world, 'cause it's got more factories than everybody else put together, & they're out of bomber range.

Axis runs out of steam in Russia, cause Russia's enormous & bloody freezing.

Allies invade on D-Day... 5 landings: 2 British, 2 American, 1 Canadian. (everybody forgets the Canadians.)

Hitler ends up smouldering in a ditch. Russians find the body & confirm he only had one ball. Seriously.

The US decides invading stuff is a pain in the ass and invents the atom bomb instead. Drops two buckets 'o sunshine on Japan.

Russians steal half of Europe.

UK's spent almost every penny it had.

US starts telling everybody how it was all about them, & 64 years later is still doing so.

1 comment:

  1. Very succinct, except, prehaps the US tooling up its factories should be a few lines up.